There are many good people in our world. There are also people in our world that need…well, a little fine tuning. Hey, I am a Domina! So here is a list of a few of my not so favourite scene things.
When presenting a Fem Dom background to potential real-life partners, on line contact should not be described as a ‘two year relationship with a dominant woman.’ Once tied up and bent over my couch it is not a good time to tell me that contrary to what you’ve said previously that you’ve never been hit with a flogger before! This is the least of the nonsense I have been subjected to. Like finding out about a so called ex wife who just happens to be living under the same roof as their spouse, presumably because they have no idea that they are separated. This is unfortunately typical of the crap that some people who live through the box of their pc and who couldn’t care less about wasting my time have tried to mess me about with. Oh and ‘extra large’ does not equate to five and a half inches!
I do not appreciate receiving emails from people who think I have nothing else to do all day but wait for them to spew their rubbish forth, treating me merely as a repository for all they can’t deal with. Nor being addressed in a way that is completely dominated by someone’s fantasy of me, and shows no understanding that they are in fact talking to a real person.
3. The Po Faced
People who cannot understand satire, wit and remarks that are clearly designed to be humorous! Taking all that I say too seriously. Please forget the irate emails replying to statements I have made which you have taken out of context and have not appreciated the funny side of!
4. The “7th Levellers”
These are the guys (and they’re almost always men) who form elaborate societies with intricate rules and protocols, and give themselves incredibly flowery titles to boot. These people are more than happy to describe to me exactly, in great detail, how they’ve mastered the fine art of BDSM, and why I should be grateful to sit at their feet and pick up such crumbs of arcane knowledge they see fit to provide.
I find their attitude most patronising and insulting. I am all for role play and imagination. However, D/s is arguably one of the most complex forms of all human relationships, and it’s different for everyone. Mastering one set of protocols no more makes you an expert than mastering making spaghetti bolognaise makes you a five-star chef!
5. Domly Doms
These Doms self-identify as alphas; they strut, they preen, they impress one another with the size of their stables of submissives. The stables rotate, because interspecies dating doesn’t work out too well: a human submissive finds it hard to maintain a romance with a peacock. These Dominas forget that possession of thigh-high boots; talking very loudly and a demanding personality are not key assets for a budding domina. Artistry, technical expertise, psychological insight, care of a submissive and mastery of self are.
6. The Completely Unsocialised/Bores
These are part of the community because no other community will have them. Yes, it would be nice if you had a few other interests besides trying to interest me in a conversation about the varying naps on gym shoes and how different textures feel rubbed against your genitalia. And how come that however new the club, the same few sad twats are hanging around and emerging from the shadows just as I arrive!
7. Its Nothing to do with Sex and Other Myths
Sex workers who are in deep denial about the fact that they are a sex worker. “I’m not a really a stripper, I’m… an interpretive dancer,” or, “This isn’t really a massage parlour we do non-traditional bodywork and sensual chakra cleansing.” What’s that, you say? There’s nothing sexual about feet? Well, guess what, anything that arouses you or gets you off is an intimate act, even if, in a different context, it might be completely benign! What the hell is wrong with sex that you should want to divorce yourself from the implications of being involved with it anyway?
8. Mismatched Expectations
Submissives who try and top Me and then expect Me to be good natured about it! Males who think the word submissive means only when they absolutely have to be. Some people will read books on growing roses, cooking, sailing or art, and yet mistakenly think they are natural experts at submitting. It does involve more than passively lying there! And what’s the point of approaching sex like a clinical exercise and worrying about getting come on My sheets! No, I don’t want to be told what I have to do for you to make you get off either! Yes, it’s your body and you are the expert but what I want to show a submissive is something they didn’t know about their body! Me, by My own wits and skill want to take an individual out of themselves. Being lectured ruins it totally for Me. Half the time I am thinking ‘I already knew that, I was going to do that next’.
9. The One True Way-ers
Whether you are living a full-time Mistress/slave relationship, and sneer at the “players” and especially those who (oh, dear Goddess) switch roles or as a player you feel that those with an interest in total power exchange are deluded, you are as bad as each other. There is no one right way to live that suits everyone.
So called submissive males who only care about getting their own kicks, to the exclusion of any concern with anyone else’s interests. Take, take, take. These leeches would quite happily, it seems, drain the life out of a Domina before moving on to the next with their “do me” expectations. Equally, greedy Doms who see submissive males as walking cheque books do no favours to their role. Dommes should not assume that a male with a profession that could benefit them will offer their services for free e.g. artists who draw pictures of femdom relationships can’t merely indulge them if they say “You must paint me too”.