Is a dominant born or made? I have no idea and wonder if these assertions can ever be proved one way or the other. I feel my sexuality is a mixture of inherited and created. For me, being dominant is not such about what I do, but what I am. However, without someone to be in a relationship with, it is not possible to demonstrate my dominance. Therefore, it is more accurate to say that it is a part of me that emerges when I interact with a submissive male who has consented to this treatment. I repressed my nature for a number of years, but once my dominance was awakened there was a sense of a deeply felt, inner conviction. My Dominance has matured and blossomed over the years, in much the same way that submissive natures do.
I have seen a change in our lifestyle over my many years of involvement on the scene. I welcome the emphasis towards an overt Loving Dominant. One who professes caring and commitment and acknowledges her needs as well as his. I see myself as my partners mentor, protector, lover and friend.

Some people would like to have clear-cut distinctions between Doms, Tops, subs and various scene labels. Whilst I can see the usefulness of the need for clarity in the defining of terms, not least so we can identify what we are looking for in a partner or playmate, in reality there is so much variation that it makes these not so much distinct categories but fluid entities. It is a continuum and must largely come down to self definition, many people switch and these categories are not set in stone. Some claim we all have a different side to our sexuality then the one we commonly express. 
I am of a distinct type, a dominant who enjoys feeling that she owns submissive males. Switching simply does not appeal to me which is not the same as saying I disapprove of those who do. In some ways I think they achieve a balance, domination really can be very hard work sometimes! Play is not the right word to describe what I do although I am perfectly aware that there are those who play very seriously and who like this term to describe their interactions. I may be playful but there is an underlying seriousness to all that I do. I am not indulging in an elaborate game but bringing out a deep part of my character. There is a strong element of role reversal in my interactions with male submissives which is not just for scene time. I am never acting a part, although may do role play to enhance and vary a scenario.

A submissive does not seek out the attentions of a Dominant in order to spend his life doing hard, menial and monotonous work (although if I am wrong and you are looking for this, I invite you to get in contact with me. I might have a use for you!). Further, a submissive retains possession of their consent and their right to reconsent after the initial decision to serve. There is never a point in a D/s relationship where a submissive gives up these inherent rights. To use force to control any other individual is not only immoral and unethical; it violates their spiritual and legal rights.
As a Mistress I do not truly” own”, as property, my submissive counterpart. We may seek to create the illusion of ownership and formalise our bond with contract or collar to enhance our pleasure. By freely and voluntarily agreeing to and accepting his Mistresses control and desires my submissive enhances his own pleasures and emotional fulfilment. However, true possession of his “self” is intrinsically his own and will always remain so. And when he is giving me a stand off don’t I know the truth of that statement!
He is possessed by me, only in the sense that he is highly prized and protected from harm. It is possible to give portions of his time, energy and usage to me within legal, moral and ethical constraints. My “ownership” of him, is the illusion we create to enhance our emotional fulfilment and sexual pleasure. We work together to create this reality and both enjoy it as partners. I am a decent and trustworthy domme but certainly not a goddess.
Our culture has created ridiculous expectations for romantic love some of which carry over into the Fem Dom arena. Many submissives expect their Mistress to possess attributes that are impossible or at least unreasonable. Some Doms being immature, insecure, out to make a fast buck or all three encourage these fantasies of perfection. The resulting relationships inevitably cause disappointment and destroy any chance for an enlightening and joyous sharing of Dominance and submission.
Erotic Power Exchange is not a license to harm or take advantage of another human being; it is a tool to wield in the effort to enhance physical pleasure and access emotional energy. No tool is perfect and the skill and motivation of the person using it can vary widely.
Submissive men sometimes experience confusion or emotional conflict between what they have learned… i.e. society’s “ideals” of what constitutes a man and their deepest sense of who and what they are. Much of what we have been exposed to in western culture says you are supposed to be independent, self-confident and strong. This makes it very difficult to accept your instinctive, submissive yearnings. Human beings are very adaptable and multi-faceted creatures and a man does not have to give up his pride or self esteem to embrace his submissive nature although some people may see this as what he is doing when he submits,esp if it is to a women. It is depressing the number of people who find something remarkable about this as if it would always be inherently a bad idea to put yourself under female control.

It has taken time to earn the respect and trust of a multi-faceted, man of substance and I expect him to work to find peace and joy in the arms and heart of his multi-faceted Mistress!

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