Dear Jane,
What is the correct term for Dommes who start to believe their own bullshit? Those spoilt little Princesses in thigh-length boots who expect unconditional adoration 24/7. It’s an occupational hazard for those who reign over us, a condition affecting many. I have heard Dominatrix Toxaemia, Top’s disease, Mistress-itis. Which do you prefer?
yours
Sub Richard, Bromsgrove
‘Dominatrix Toxaemia’ is amusing and accurate enough, except people unfamiliar with medical terminology won’t know what you’re talking about. It can in any case safely be ignored as it was invented by a beery buffoon who voluntarily grew a full bushy beard. (“He’s shaved it off.”) That’s as maybe. He still has to be adequately punished for decades of mangy facial hair. And in any case, he now looks like Harry Potter so it’s debatable whether this is an improvement. ‘Top’s disease’ is pretty good, except that not everyone uses Americanisms. ‘Mistress-itis’ is short and snappy so why not use this?
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Dear Jane,
There are many clubs, products and services for submissive men but what about submissive women? We are a minority within a minority,
Slavegirl Sally. London
I believe safety is a consideration here. It’s hardly surprising that women don’t wish to make themselves a target for potentially unstable men. Too many men make crude remarks like ‘On your knees, bitch’ within seconds of meeting online. If you wish to interact in a safe environment Goddess club in London offers a space run by woman which screens male visitors. In such a place women are confident enough to show their submissive side without fear.
Dear Jane,
My girlfriend wants me to buy a machine which provides electric shocks. I was horrified. Surely this is a form of torture and nothing to do with sex?
Rick, Bolton
This may sound like something used by gangsters to extract secrets and enforce discipline, as indeed it was, but low level electric shocks can be experienced as a pleasant tingle. As so often, once you have got over the negative impression fostered by the media you will find this to be an enjoyable form of play. Fairly obviously you should find a website detailing the do’s and don’ts before you use any piece of potentially hazardous equipment.
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Dear Jane,
I am a newbie slave and wish to please my Mistress. She seems cold and distant after our session has concluded. What am I doing wrong?
yours
Slave David, Glasgow
Just as Mistresses can confuse their role with real life than slaves can often become too obsessed with the Goddesses they worship. It’s not impossible for a relationship to develop between a Mistress and a slave but it’s more likely to remain a service which is being offered for a finite period. You are embarrassing yourself if you become too needy after that period has elapsed. But you can be courteous and affectionate as long as you are respectful.
A small gift on top of the fee will show you are sincere and have taken a little extra time and trouble. The most heinous crime is of course not showing up at the last minute. It will take a long time to recover from that. Try to remember that it can take hours to prepare for a session, mentally and physically. So if you cancel at the last minute you have effectively stolen a considerable amount of money from the person you are supposedly worshipping. It’s debatable whether you can buy love or affection – actually a pretty short debate, most people don’t think you can. So try to have realistic expectations and you won’t be disappointed. Ooh, I’m starting to sound like a touchy-feely therapist. Obviously time to watch Kill Bill another hundred times and then go out and shoot some small furry animals.
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Dear Jane,
My sub female partner recently asked me to tickle her. She claims it’s sexy. I think it’s a waste of time. What do you think?
John, Glamorgan
Greenery Press supply the best informative manuals on how to do kinky sex. They even have a book on tickling by Michael Moran which goes into bondage techniques, altered states you can reach after prolonged tickling (cheaper and safer than drugs) , tickling as torture, tickling as fun. You can use brushes, fabrics, fingernails, it can be play, it can be punishment. Women can and do reach orgasm during erotic tickling so don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. Count yourself lucky you only need a feather and a few restraints. If she was into rubber you might as well take out a second mortgage.
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Dear Jane
My boyfriend insists that I dress him as a woman as part of our S/M sessions. My problem is he doesn’t look naturally feminine. He’s keen, I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but what can I do?
Jenny, Brighton
There are many flavours of cross-dressing. At one end of the scale you have gorgeous T-girls who can pass and at the other you have geezers who get a thrill from the feel of the clothes and the idea of being a woman. If you can’t feminise him to your strict standards then use it as part of the shaming process. Most kinky blokes want to be thought of as tarts or sleazebags anyway so they will not be offended in the least if they don’t look like some boring ice queen like Anna Ford. Tell him he’s a trollop, pull his knickers down and give him a good thrashing, telling him throughout how pathetic he looks. You will probably have a hot night afterwards.
If you do want him to look more genuinely feminine here are some tips:
Silicone breasts are worth it. Corsets will get him into female head space as well as giving him an hourglass figure. If he can grow his own hair out then this beats a wig any time. If he’s serious about ‘passing’ and can’t grow his hair out then spend a couple of hundred quid on a wig, human hair is best, then get it styled to his face and use conditioner regularly. The Tranny Guide comes out yearly and is full of information on makeovers, goods and services.
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Dear Jane,
A Mistress recently shoved a huge strap-on dildo up me before I was ready. It was agonising. How can people claim to enjoy this sort of thing?
Piers, Tonypandy
It can take fifteen to twenty minutes of slow gradual anal massage with the tip of one finger before people feel ready for anything thicker or longer. After that you may use one or more fingers before switching to an item like a butt-plug or a dildo. There is no excuse for what is effectively anal rape. If you feel she is insensitive than visit someone else. Equally, she may have misinterpreted signals you have given her. Any serious Mistress will be glad to get feedback on your session and will alter her techniques to suit you. The internal geography of people’s anal passages varies greatly so it’s worth a long slow build up to get where you want to be. Make sure you use an enema before the session and you will feel confident about opening yourself up. This can be a deep intense form of pleasure so it’s worth learning how to do it properly. Incidentally, ‘Piers’ if you are anything like your namesake Piers Morgan she probably assumed you were a total arsehole who could take anything up there. I’d use a less annoying name if I were you.